Unity Consciousness & Bioneuroemoción®
The first step to be able to express ourselves emotionally is to eliminate the opinion of what is happening to us. Every opinion, whether positive or negative, is a judgment that prevents us from seeing what is really happening.
In this way, we can distinguish the “stimulus” (engram) from the “cause” (internal information). A stimulus is something that we perceive through the senses and that provokes a reaction in each one of us.
On the other hand, a cause is the profound reason why a determined reaction from our part is necessary.
At this point it is worth remembering that positioning is not negative; In fact, it is necessary. The problem comes when the positioning is rigid, when we believe it so deeply that we are not able to renounce it even if it limits us and causes us suffering.
Whenever we see a person from a judgement, we put on him a label that prevents us from appreciating its complexity, its reasons and its nature.
In fact, seeing the excess in the other warns us of our own polarity.
If a person is more studious than us, we can call him a “library rat”, if he studies less than us, we can judge him as “lazy and irresponsible”.
In any case, our yardstick to measure the world starts from our own characteristics and from the need to project them outside in order to make them conscious.
Through this dynamic the human being can develop his psyche. Only by being aware of how we express ourselves, will we know what message we are really communicating. Perhaps we can do it by ourselves realizing if our tone when talking is high, being able to transmit a feeling of aggressiveness; perhaps our gesticulation is very scarce, being able to give the sensation of disinterest … This non-verbal language has an enormous influence in the message that we transmit.
To achieve effective communication, we must pay special attention to these aspects because, however much we take care of our words, taking these non-verbal aspects into account is the only way to be responsible for what we want to communicate.
Everything that affects us reflects a part of ourselves. Therefore, it is better to use a proactive language, with which we do a small exercise of self-inquiry to observe what we want to achieve for ourselves.
Following the example, we could ask ourselves: how do I feel when they shout at me? What do I get that makes me feel better when they speak to me in a lower tone?
Phrases like “you make me feel” block emotional communication. It is fundamental to speak from oneself, without blaming the other for how I feel.
Taking responsibility for what we feel and showing our vulnerability will lead to an empathic and flowing communication.
When we speak from the judgement and the accusation, we generate defenses in our interlocutor that, far from getting us understood, can cause rigidity and lack of empathy.
We already saw that the unconscious does not distinguish the “no”. If we say “do not think of a pink elephant”, we will probably discover ourselves unconsciously and reactively thinking about it.
We must use language to get closer to our desired goal, instead of highlighting what is bothering us.
It is quite different to say “do not shout at me” to say “speak to me in a lower tone”.
Language is not just words, it reflects a much deeper attitudinal structure. Therefore, a very functional indication to express ourselves emotionally would be to keep in mind what we want to achieve – remember that everything has a positive intention for the person who does it- and be able to transmit it in a clear, simple and direct way.
It is possible that in front of a difficult situation we can not clearly see the information that is there precisely because it puts our beliefs in check.
The proposal would be to make a descriptive exercise, free of adjectives, interpretations and justifications. We can write what happened as if it were a script of a theater scene. The description forces us to separate the objective situation from what we, in a subjective way, are adding to it.
This exercise can be more complex than it seems because it forces us to let go of our perception and invites us to detachment. The discomfort we feel during the process is what will give us the first clue about what really affects us.